Deliverance

Deliverance

Sunday night I packed the rest of Jen's items into my truck. Saturday Jen asked if I had time to deliver her stuff back to her. However, at that time I was on my way to Missoula for the Red Elvises show. I told her I would call her back on Sunday and maybe we could exchange the stuff then. She didn't call back but I packed all her stuff into my truck anyways. Monday evening I received a phone call at about 9 PM. I was just getting ready to watch the new episode of Heroes so I was starting to get comfortable when the phone rang.

"Hey how's it going "I said with an over enthusiastic voice. "Ya I should get that stuff to you, You don't have a car.. That's fine it's all packed in my truck anyways. Right now? What about tomorrow night. Oh you're going to busy till late... hmmm. Well I was planning to go do something, but I you know what Jen you need this stuff so tell you what, will you be home in a little bit? Okay I'll be over in a bit. How else

This is when I started talking and about how everyone is doing and stuff. I stopped that abruptly. "Hey Jen I tell you what we will talk about this when I get there"

So I got dressed because no matter what happened I knew I was going to go out that night to chill with people. I didn't have any plans to do so at that very moment… but I knew someone would be out and about.

I knocked on the door and brought the keyboard and stand into the house. She was wearing the white sweater that I saw her in from the dream. It was also the sweater she wore when my parents came over to visit. She said thank you, and I said I still had to go get a few more things truck. She wondered what so I said "some other junk". I didn't mean to call her stuff junk... I just meant it was just random stuff. She gave me my tupperware and a green shirt she had in her closet. I gave her back the key I had to the house… then asked for my keys… She couldn't find them right away so I asked if I could go and get my bike from the garage. As I went out the back door I saw the grill that we used to grill all summer long. Those were fun times I thought to myself. I grabbed the bike out of the garage and put it in my truck then came back in the house and we talked a little bit.

"How's school?" She looked like school was wearing her thin. We ended up talking about a few things. Her parents, my recent trip to Missoula, she said she liked my shoes and even said I was looking good. I felt good. I told her "I'm in a different place then I was a few weeks ago." I truly feel I am. I asked her about her trip to Seattle and she told me what she felt about that. : )

She asked if I was seeing anyone, I said "Na… I'm enjoying the single life for right now." She asked if I had any prospects. " I said well there is always prospects :) , but right now I'm not looking that hard." She asked about Sami and my Portland trip. I explained that Sami is just a really good friend that I am lucky to have in my life. I talked about music with her. We talked about her new guy. We just had a really good conversation.

For the last few weeks I have been telling Sami I just wanted to talk to Jen. Something about just having a conversation seemed to be important to me. I realized as soon as I went over there I didn't want to talk about the past or what happened. I just wanted to have a conversation. It was like old friends catching up. It felt good and soon enough it was getting late and I knew she had homework and sleep to catch up on. I let myself out and asked for a hug before I left.

It's funny when you finally realize closure… A huge weight is lifted off of your soul and you can breathe again. The moment the hug happened I had closure. The huge felt like a friend hug and not someone that I was still missing. The best way I can explain it is the hug was"nice, pure, and sweet".

As I walked to my truck my phone rang it was Sami, she ask if I wanted to meet at a bar with some friends. "Yep I'll be down there in a few minutes."

That was it...

"Within yourself deliverance must be searched for, because each man makes his own prison. -Edwin Arnold"

Closure feels good.